I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
