I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
