ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
