i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
