i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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