You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you inspire me to be a worse person
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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