people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
