Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
