I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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