Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
tell me about the fingering
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