Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
