i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
