He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
