just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
