Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
