Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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