The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Operation Purity has been aborted
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
