You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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