I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
