Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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