Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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