I think my vagina is haunted
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
