I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
