I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
