we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
