Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
