I am puke
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
