and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
