Do you still have your period?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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