Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
