I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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