Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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