Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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