My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
