More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
