It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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