I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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