no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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