I am puke
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
