i wish my penis had a tongue
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
