Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize