Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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