I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
love makes seman taste better
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
