Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
