I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i think i have two assholes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Randomize
