i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I looked at my own cervix.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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