There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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