Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
