so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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