dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
