She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
