That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
