i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
