does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
