i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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