I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
