I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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