I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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