I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize