Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
