im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
