He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
