Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
