So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
