Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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