grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
