My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
