I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize