Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
