In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize