WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize