Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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