the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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