Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
