my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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