the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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