If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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