Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize